Being Alone!!

I’m tired of being alone.

I’m afraid I always will be though.

Everyone I feel close to runs,

when my feelings start to show.

That’s why I hide my feelings,

and hold back so much.

I just need to feel special,

I need to feel that rush!

I get this pain deep in my chest,

when my lonliness really hits.

But, no one knows how I feel,

and the love that I miss.

It’s been awhile since I’ve heard “I am with u .”

Those words mean a lot.

But the pain deep inside,

Feels like I have been shot.

There is a hole that needs to be filled,

I hope someday it will be.

I guess no matter what I’ll live,

even when i feel so empty.

I hope to find that special someone as a friend ,to make me feel loved.

Then I can call that ,angels  from above!

​To the girl I look up to…

To the girl I look up to,
In case you couldn’t tell, you inspire me. You encourage me to be a better version of myself and to always keep my head up. You remind me that I’m special, even though other people try to make me feel otherwise. Your random texts and lunch dates keep me going when the office and classes week starts to take its toll on me.

It’s amazing to think that I met someone as inspirational as you at such an important time in my life. 

What I love about you is how confident you are in yourself and your abilities. Whether it’s buying ur earphones or rocking a pair of out-there shoes, you do it with confidence. This confidence is something I both admire and cherish. I admire your ability to know yourself and be yourself no matter what situation you’re in. I cherish how accepting your confidence has made you; I feel like I can truly be myself when I am with you, and that’s no small feat.

I know you’ve been through so much in your life that has shaped you into who you are–so much of it I don’t even know. What I do know, is that you have taken those experiences and molded them into inspiring characteristics that others longingly wish for. I don’t know your whole story, and I probably never will, but little by little I will learn how to be as wonderful and loving as you are.From the moment I met you, you inspired me. You made me feel cool and wanted and unique. You made me feel accepted, which means more than you will ever know. I will never forget my excitement when the “cool girl” wanted to get to know me better. Me! The weird girl with a decent and unique sense of style? I look up to you more and more each day, and I know that will never end. You amazed me since day one and a years later you still find new ways to show me how amazing you are as a person, a friend.

Thank you for guiding me this far in my life, without you I’d be wandering somewhere doing who knows what.

Relationship this days..

Why do you need to be in a relationship at this age?
At times, we see that our cousins have their girlfriends/boyfriends. So, we also have an urge to have one, right?
But, I mean really, by doing this what do you wanna show to the world? That you’re cool too. You too can have someone in your life. Man! You need to understand, you don’t need to show off to the world, you’ll find your true love when the time is right. You need to understand that. Just get out of that childish zone.
You know, someone has said it right that,
“The world is not your competition, you yourself is. The world is not your enemy, you yourself is.”
Secondly, so none of our friends are having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So we’ll have one or two to Show off in front of them. Really! Do you really need to do that?
Third, at times, we actually want someone in our life so that we can share our things with them. I agree on that, but you can only do that to your girlfriend? It can be your parents, your siblings or even your best friends. I’m really blessed with so many wonderful friends. And sharing my thoughts here on WordPress is the best of the bests.
One can develop the need of having a girlfriend on the basis of these talks-
I need a girlfriend to talk.
Can’t you do that with any other person? I know things get lonely at times. It’s good to vent it out to someone close. But what if she’s not in a mood to talk to you? What if she wants to tell her blah blah stories rather than listening to yours?
Instead, you can talk to yourself in peace. You can write a journal on that particular situation if something went wrong. You analysis by your own self. You’re the only one who can help yourself.

I need a girlfriend for a pillion rider on my motorcycle.
I know pillion seat is there for a reason and you’d love to roam around with her everywhere. But what after that? Do you have your own that much money which can spend on her? It always feels good to spend Daddy’s money for our pleasure. But unfortunately, it’s hard to earn that little money by doing a hard work for the rest of the day. And for this, it’ll take a couple of seconds to spend.
That’s completely ok if you’re earning and spending. Otherwise, it’s worthless.

I need a girlfriend for fighting and arguing/ teasing.
Ah, you don’t need a girlfriend to do that. Just throw a pebble on your neighbour’s window and you’ll get what you want.

I need a girlfriend for hanging out around the city.
You must be a travel guide then.

I need a girlfriend to sing with.
How awesome it would look when both of you would sing a duet song like Mukesh and Lata Mangeshkar.😂

I need a girlfriend so that I don’t have to marry a stranger later.
Ok so it’s one way to escape arranged marriage, right? What if your girl shows her real colour after the wedding?

I need a girlfriend so that I can cry.
Oh! Jesus Christ! Now you need a girlfriend even for crying?

I need a girlfriend for pep talks and reality check.
Do you think a good girlfriend will not always be possessive? What if she leaves you when your life and career are going down? Think about it!

I need a girlfriend for a secure future.
Ah, which means a Government job. Right?
‘Zindagi ke sath bhi, Zindagi ke baad bhi’

I need a girlfriend for sex.
Here comes the main reason. Sex.
Well, I’d just like to tell you, before spoiling any girl’s life just think 1000 times. Thankfully, I’ve always got chance to think about it before going ahead. She may lose her trust from other guys. She may hate herself for the rest of the life, if you leave her after getting physical with her. You may be the reason for shedding her in tears for years. It is a complicated matter.

Well, as you’ve read above there can be thousands more silly reasons we can find out in from everyone. I’m not at all against having a girlfriend at this point. Actually, I’ve analysed all these questions and answers in those years. I’ve plenty of knowledge about it now. All I’m saying at this point is-

Having a girlfriend at the wrong time will prove a disaster to both our lives.

It is needed to realise that you can love someone else only if you love yourself.

The best kind of love is the love you have for yourself.
It is not a compulsion to have a girlfriend if you’re in your twenties. There are not only pros of having a girlfriend. Lots of cons follow you behind this. You will be completely separated from your friends, family too in the future. You will start living for someone else. You become the vehicle and she will be the driver.
This may not be for all the cases.
Rest is on you.

At my end…

….that…the right time will come one day. And I’m certain that you’ll realize me!”

“Realizing what?”

“That I fell in love for you. You!”

“Oh, yeah! That’s great. You’re just too funny”

“Yes, I’m. In a way, I’m foolish, too. Mad. Everything is funny at my end.”

“Yes, you’re…. Leave it. What else?”

“I’m good. You?”

“Me too.”

*smiles*

“Then?”

“Nothing! I need to hang up. See you later. Bye.”

“Bye”

Sometimes, they’re all just illusions. Love. Hate. Regret. They all convey the single meaning. At the end, it ends up with a final note that life is meaningless. Because we’re all just too real, to be alive, to create an end to form yet another end. Think. It’s just too funny. Yet so powerful.

Letting go….

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off…
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…
To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Moving on…

I don’t understand why she didn’t choose me, I try my best to make her smile, happy. I show her I love her. Show her I want to keep her heart safe from others that will break it, therefore that she will never have to go through what may leave scars on what she may need for the right person. I feel like I failed, but I don’t let that stop me. No matter what happens, I will always be there for her, to make sure she’s okay, to comfort her when I feel she needs.
Who knows, we may get together someday, maybe temporary, maybe forever. If we don’t, everything happens, or doesn’t happen for a reason, consequently I will always be her friend. I will always be there for her. She may not know this, but she is safe with me. She can fall, but I’ll catch her. As long as she chooses to stay with me. She will always have someone to talk to.
Every time I got a text message, call, I would rush to check my phone, hoping it’s from her, and when it was, I would catch myself smiling. If it weren’t her, I wouldn’t get sad, nor angry, but disappointed. I love talking to her. Even if she didn’t try to make me smile, I’d still smile. I make sure I’m able to text her back instantaneously I want to prove to her I care about her. I want her to feel that she is loved.
I had dreams about her several, if not many times. One of the dream, i actually ended up proposing her in front of eiffel in snowfall. I don’t always recall my dream. When I do, It’s most likely something romantic. I guess you could say my big thing is romance.
They’re so many things I know about her, but I’m still learning more. She has many problems, but I still say she’s amazing, because she is in her own way. She doesn’t believe me when I tell her that, and I wonder if it’s because of something that happened in the past. Such as, being really attached to somebody, and left her. Which made her feel insecure about herself.
Thinking negatively really hurts, especially telling myself “She’ll never be yours, you lost.” It’s never a good thing to do that. The reason I always end up thinking like that because I’m hurt, I feel broken. It’s hard to keep yourself happy when you feel this way. The way I avoid thinking like that, is thinking the good way of it. Telling myself “Never give up, you’ll get something out of it” gives me the courage to keep trying and not give up.
I never really understood why she says she wants to date me but can’t. If you, personally are going through this. Do you ever tell yourself “As long as she is happy, I will be fine,”? In reality, I was just trying to make myself feel better, because I feel hopeless. I feel that I’m not good enough for her.
Now, things have changed. I have finally realized, I deserved not just her, but I deserved better than her. Now that I have given up, I feel so much better. Even though I don’t have the relationship most people have, I know I tried my best on just one girl. Learned my lesson, and I have moved on with my life. Things are better now. I m trying to be strong, happy, and positive, and I do not have to worry about anyone hurting me.

Love & fear

What is this thing called love ? I have been thinking about it a lot but I don’t even think I know what it is or how it feels like to be unconditionally loved by someone. I guess I have never experienced it. As a child I was loved but it was never shown, all of it was hidden under critics and yelling and that sort of things. I have been loved by my friends, my sister but somehow that kind of love is really not enough right? Believe it or not all of us are out there searching for something, sometimes we don’t even know what we are searching for and we feel lost, that feeling when you know something is missing but you are not quite sure what it is, well that tini tiny part is love️. All of us want to be needed and cared about deeply and Loved unconditionally.

Because sometimes having a person in your life that truly cares about you will give you that extra power to fight for what you want. It is not about that we are not capable of doing it our selfs we are, but we are also human and we need to be cared about and we need to be loved that’s how it is.The feeling of having someone on your mind every day, thinking about them and caring about them, looking forward meeting them , having butterflies in your stomach. That is what a lot of us want.
I have heard very often from people that you should be independent and not need anybody and I personally disagree. Yeah ofc you have to be independent and be able to take care of yourself on your own and needing someone in your life is not going to take that away if you balance those things.
A lot of people say that you need to love yourself before you can love somebody else. It is true but sometimes I do think about that maybe we need to be loved to get there? Sometimes we need to be shown how to love to be able to do it because nobody is born knowing everything. We are thought a lot of things as children because we don’t know it, like how to walk, we wont know it unless someone is there to show us how it is done, but once it is shown we never forget about it.
Sometimes i think that love in general is slowly fading out because a lot of people are listening to the fear and thinking with their brains instead of their hearts. It is very good to have a brain but when it comes to emotional stuff the brain will only complicate things that don’t even have to be complicated.
When you start thinking the fear kicks in as well and makes it even worse. You start being afraid that this person might hurt you as much as the last one you were with. Then you start saying to yourself, ahh this will never work, this will be like this, that will be like that but because you are thinking you are using some ,,common sense,, but those common senses are not even based on current situation it is based on a previous situations and previous emotions, which brought up the fear and thinking.
Fear is one of your biggest enemy, not only when it comes to love but generally in life. It stops you from being happy, it stops you from living a life without a doubt and it is a master of taking control over your thoughts and your feelings. When fear takes over you start acting up or as my friend said ,, you start tripping,, .😱 You start tripping because something that the current girl did ,reminded you of a previous one that hurt you and now you think he has the same agenda. In your mind you start going back in time and start assuming you know what your guys next move is and you know how he will hurt you, when you start doing that you have already start to take the the magic out of your current relationship or what ever it is. Soon enough it will go in flames if you don’t realize that not everybody is the same. Fear is quite capable of taking joy out of your life along with some other things, like a chance of feeling something amazing or something much stronger then you have before, it takes away the chance from that person that really likes you to proof himself that he is not here to hurt you.
Nobody should pay for someone else’s mistake.😊I recommend you guys to never be afraid of getting hurt because even then you learn a lot about yourself and maybe even some of you little romantic dreams might come true. That is what happened to me but I never realized it until a few days ago and here is a little story about that:
Well for the whole year and a half I have been let down so many times but each and every time I learned new lessons.
Which taught me a bit more about myself. You can learn about why you act in a curtain way, why I insist on something that Just isn’t happening. Recently something really hit me and then I started to think back in time.
Ever since I broke up with my gf few years ago I have been looking for romance for strong connection and I
always dreamed about some romantic scenarios like sitting by the water and looking at the meteor shower, or long walks and and dancing around in the kitchen while making breakfast. I also always wanted to have a connection with someone that I just met, where you guys make a story how you met on the spot its like having one brain that thinks exactly alike, I can also say I always wanted to have you know that kind of magical sex where you totally disappear into each other. I bet all of us have had the dream of a girl going that extra mile to make us happy, even if that is just sending a random text when you are feeling low.
Guess what all of this things did happen to me I just never stopped and thought about it I always looked at the bad things and at the disappointments. I finally opened my eyes I looked on a positive stuff and the results were that some of my dreams did come true.
The things that I wanted to happen with one special happened with a few, but what came out of all of this the things that I learned about myself like being patient, giving people space when they need it, I learned to listen to my gut feeling and I learned how to listen to my heart instead of my brain.
My point with all of this is to point out that fear and thinking instead of following your heart is something that makes everything so much more complicated even though it isn’t..
So lets not let fear take over and don’t be afraid of taking chances because in the end you will only regret the chances you didn’t take.😊